it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
