From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
