i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
