I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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