Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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