I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
