Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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