Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
