theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
