There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
