I seem to have left my pride at pride
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
