He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
