I want to make a zoo with you.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
