it wasn't lemon gatorade
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
