When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
