i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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