Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
