I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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