i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
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and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
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He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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