Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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