My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
