it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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