That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
