Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
