she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
