Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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