i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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