Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
