and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
