Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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