Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
