Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
A+ Viking dick
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
