so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
