At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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