I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
