imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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