I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
