he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
