From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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