You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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