I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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