i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
