hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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