was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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