Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
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