I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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