My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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