My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
