i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
