He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
