I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
