OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
