Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
