I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
smell my finger.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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