Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
4 words: hood of his car
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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