I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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