I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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