her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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