I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
