I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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