I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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