I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
