was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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