I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
