God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
