More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
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Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
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weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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