He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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