It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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